Come closer, Closer… Closer than this?
Whether asleep or awake, we are continually talking to ourselves. We even talk to ourselves incessantly while speaking face to face with others. Sometimes, before our voice begins ringing among the multitude of words and unfinished sentences floating deliriously in our heads, we are able to hear – right before we speak, and before anyone else hears us. Amidst the chaos of these sounds we don’t just remember one another’s voices, but actually speak for each other. The mystery of this internal dialogue is that it gives sound to the voices inside us. I can speak for you, and I hear you inside me. Alas, when these voices start ringing in our heads, my tone loses you in itself, and your tone hides me within. I become the narrator of my own voice as soon as I open my mouth to speak. The tone of voice engulfs my words and what I could hear in my head, no longer reaches my ears or yours, as you hear me speak. So what use is it to speak of this abyss? A quality of sound that is lost in language and hidden in words!
The value of these sounds is not in uttering them, but in hearing them. Before we can say anything about them we need to listen. These sounds are the shares of others for finding a voice within us. They need to be heard from the inside. They must be heard exactly at the point when we decide to suppress others. It is right here that voices are repressed. These voices are important. It is the beginning of the end of sounds when we no longer hear others inside us, or recognize them in our speech. Yet listening is not always easy. It is the bearing of a twofold pain, as when voices get close, they bring with them many large and small things. They have to settle inside us to penetrate our external voice. But passing this labyrinth and getting closer and closer to them has the risk of moving beyond the borders of hearing. At this stage voices are experienced, just like those who suffer from the affliction of constantly hearing others inside their heads, whether they choose to or not.